Today is the first day of the year 2010, and as a tradition I always think to myself that I am going to do it this time...you know lose the weight that I have unfortunately gained over the last 16 years. Oh I start out doing great for the first 15 minutes but then the cold icy Pepsi that is waiting sinfully in the fridge begins to call my name, and the ding dong that is lurking in the pantry wrapped ever so beautifully in that shiny tinfoil softly whispers..." I would taste so much better if only you would eat me while you enjoy your Pepsi", being weak I go ahead and enjoy them both.

Now that is just one example and silly at that I am sure you are thinking but I will tell you this, that food is sinful to me. I love it. It is not always about the amount that I eat but mostly about what I like to eat. I enjoy veggies and also fruit and eat those also, it is the sugar that every morning I head for on my swollen tired feet, step by step by step just a few more I think and then I reach the kitchen and with foggy tired eyes I know right where to reach for that sweet candy that melts in my mouth makes me happy and helps extinguish my morning breathe..or so I think. Then to the fridge or to the garage and get me a Pepsi, I need it I think because I am so tired the caffeine will help me through, I love the first burn as the cold Pepsi hits my tongue and goes down my throat...."Ahhhhh" I say and with the crack of the can and my expression of being pleased by my beverage my children know it is time to get out of bed and start getting ready for school.

I watch the Biggest Loser and think to myself, I need to go on that show. I would love Bob to show me the way, or I could take on Jillian, I would show her, I would exercise so hard and I would win all that prize money, and buy a whole new wardrobe, take a nice vacation some place I could show off my body in a bikini. I say to my husband lets make a tape I could win I just need some help, he agrees but then life happens and we get busy and I second guess myself and think well I could not leave my family for that long, I can do it here, yes here in my own home with my treadmill that gathers dust and my stationary bike that my 3 year old has drawn on, tomorrow is the day. I have said that a million times and a lot of tomorrows have come and gone but today as I watched another rerun of the biggest loser and watched them all losing weight and crying all over each other I thought...I wonder if I blogged it, yes that will commit me like on the movie Julie and Julia...I will blog my journey and commit this time and maybe someone along the way will be inspired to do this with me.

I commit this day to start, I will get up in the morning and start my exercise program and eating well and I will blog my progress. I will gain power over myself and find the person that I once was. I recently started an account on facebook, in facebook you need to put a profile picture of yourself so that your friends can find you and recognize you, I took several pictures of myself before I found one that was ok...I was embarrased at my double chin and fluffy figure I did not want anyone who once knew the 125lb I have gained but I will slowly lose that just wait and see...and in the famous words of Peter Pan....."Here we go!"